I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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