Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
