the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
