The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
are you still at the devil's house?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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