Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
