everyone is single if you try hard enough
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
