....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
two words...techno handjob
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
