Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
