either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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