You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
