Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
