so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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