i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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