I'm passing your future prison.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
