brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
