This is not my ceiling
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
