my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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