yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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