took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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