The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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