the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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