I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
