HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
