What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
