remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
