They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
