just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
