why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
