no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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