I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
