Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
