Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
