You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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