p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
