It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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