How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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