i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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