I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm passing your future prison.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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