He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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