Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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