I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
