I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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