I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
