You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
