Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
