i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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