I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
