Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
