he puts the penis in happiness.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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