my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
