Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
