I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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